Tomorrow, Donald John Trump will be sworn in as the 45th President of the United States. It’s the culmination of a lengthy and, frankly, unlikely victory. Other than this guy (people should have listened to that guy) and my co-worker Jay Thomas, nobody expected it. Probably not even Trump himself. Some would even argue that Trump really didn’t want to win it. He’s a man who’s all about the deal, the thrill of the chase. When the novelty wears off, will he really care? Is he up for it for the long haul? We’ll soon find out.
Think of all the obstacles he had to get past to win.
Other candidates: He overcame a field of nearly 20 Republican candidates. Savvy politicians. Old political money in Jeb Bush. Tea Party hero Ted Cruz. Up-and-comer Marco Rubio. Moderate Libertarian Rand Paul. Freeway blocker Chris Christie. Silent-rager Ben Carson. Union fan Scott Walker. Hipster glasses Rick Perry.
Hillary: After all that (and then some), Trump lands the nomination. Now, it’s Hillary. The Clinton’s ARE American politics in the last 25 years. President Clinton is one of the most popular President’s in history. Hillary has had just about every job in Washington, and this was supposed to be the victory march to the one job she wanted most. She patched things up with Bernie and his supporters, worked the debates as she needed to and just kept it cool. Trump would, eventually, hang himself.
It never happened. He won. It’s a remarkable story in that all the old rules of politics were proven entirely irrelevant. The experts were wrong. It was a huge win for Trump and his millions of supporters.
Get over it. No, not you. I mean you. Trump and supporters.
Your guy won. You won. America will be great again. Congratulations. Stop whining about it.
Why are you so concerned with who will and won’t attend the inauguration? It doesn’t matter. You can’t stand the Democrats, liberals, gays and brown people so why are you so concerned they won’t be around? For months and months now it’s been “Man, we sure don’t like these groups of people!” Now it’s “What? They aren’t coming to our party? DISRESPECTFUL!” Seriously? You should be elated. You won’t have to rub elbows with any non-Christian abortion supporters. You wanted an end to politics as usual. Not showing up to support someone you don’t agree with is getting as real as it gets. Oh, that’s right, only Trump can get real and say whatever he likes. When anyone else does so that’s different. Okay, got it. That doesn’t sound dictatorial.
Hate the mainstream media? No problem. You have your Twitter, Trump. You have your buds over at Breitbart and InfoWars. Every reasonable person knows there is far less slant in those organizations compared to CNN. You are your own media now. You ‘da man, dawg. Maybe you can give your own media a cute and clever name like, oh, let’s just pick one out of thin air here, maybe call it something unique like State Run Media. Has a nice ring to it.
I can’t recall a time where I’ve seen more crybaby stuff from the winning side. Listen Trumps, it’s all y’all starting Friday. You have the White House, the regular old House and the Senate. You get to run your agenda. For those of you that think a billionaire or millionaire or whatever aire (tax returns?) knows your struggle, relates to your plight and will save you, this is a great day for you. He and his super-rich buddies, many of whom have never known the true joy of having $.06 in their checking account to last you the next 3 days until you get paid (digging through the couch and car for smokes and beer money), that don’t live in fear of what would happen if they lost their job tomorrow, are looking out for you now. They get it. They’re just like you. If you think higher tariffs will only bring jobs back to America and not raise prices for you at Walmart congratulations, you’ve come to an assumption that a grand total of zero people with anything beyond a tenth grade education came up with. Don’t worry. Relax. Breathe. Trump can afford the increase so he’ll be fine. Finally, all these undesirables, the rapists, will all be rounded up and sent home. Just curious, have you thought that one through yet? To round up millions of people to send them back to wherever, how you gonna do that exactly? Oh, they’re all just going to turn themselves in. Yes, that’s right. What if they don’t though? Many of you love conspiracies, right? Trump and the like fear the government and evil media. Here’s a scenario to think about. All the illegals don’t turn themselves in. Under the guise of well, we have to go find these illegals now to send them home because, shockingly, they didn’t all turn themselves in, the government will have to hit the streets and start knocking on doors. Asking you questions. You hiding someone in here? You voted for Trump you say? Yeah, that’s great. Can we see some ID please? We’re gonna need to come in and take a look around. Yes, we heard you, you voted for Trump. You’re a great American. Tremendous. Wonderful. You’re the best American. Now, we’ll need you to go wait in the train car with the others because we need to search your house to find illegals. We heard through the liberal media that you’re hiding some in here.
Trump, you got the girl. The question now is, what will you do with her? Do you want to treat her with great respect and care, nurture a deep, meaningful relationship, make her your wife and start a family? Or, do you prefer to simply grab Ms. Liberty by the p***y, throw her aside and move on to the next beauty queen because the thrill of the chase is over after the inauguration. To quote a financial phrase (rich people like stuff like this) let’s hope past performance definitely does not indicate future results.